Mom's Care, w/Rudeness Advisory

Mom’s Care

My mother is the bestest, most dedicated and loving Mom and Grandmother. She is up there with the GOATs, (Greatest of All Time). Her reign always extended beyond our immediate family, including whole neighborhoods. To quote cousin Marty, her home was “an Oasis.” Everyone always welcome for a quick bite, coffee, news update and a family calendar not unlike Mrs. Weasley’s clock from the Harry Potter series, telling us where everyone was from preschool to United Arab Emirates. But this would be a whole other blog.

How is it a Mother so grand ended up with Ken and me as her issue? We followed in the exuberant wake of her sister and two brothers. Our Dad was a perfect match for this humor.

Because Mom is now immobile, Ken, myself, my two kids, June and Steven and their friends have all stepped up to provide round the clock care for her. As far as the kids—all college age— their youth, energy, and love of Pokémon is unrivaled in the world of care-givers. We have hired one of them, and Lea is the bestest, most dedicated and loving aide from Monday through Friday. She’s such a dear friend she’s often there on weekends hanging out. But…

The young people are one by one taking more classes or getting real jobs and we need coverage on nights and especially weekends. So it’s back to Ken and me, my husband, Russ, June and Steven.

Ken is complaining about the bills. Why the heck is PG&E so high? How much energy does Mom use? We laugh about Mom cruising the internet looking for naked orderlies to shower with. Uh, that’s Porn, Graphix and Erotica, not Pacific, Gas and Electric. Mom smiles wistfully remembering fondly the handsome young man that helped care for her during one of her hospital stays. Maybe we should look there for a weekend aide. Is there a Nurses-R-Us site? June suggests the ones in pasties and thongs. And old fashioned paper hats. I say forget the nurse, hire a pole dancer. Ken immediately volunteers for weekends. Problem solved. Unless Mom wants a Chippendale.

Now we are seeing a grander scheme for senior care. Maybe senior centers should be on the same site with adult book shops and erotica. Some oldsters would be vastly entertained, and I bet they’d get more family visiting. Better employees and more volunteers, too. There’s an Eagle Scout badge just waiting. Grey Bear enrollment doubles. Ken would have a place to try out his music. With a gift shop on the premises, every day is Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. I brought you a latex covered, pop-up birthday card, Mom. You always loved me best.